Hey to everyone out there in LJ land. So yeah, I’ve absolutely sucked at updating for a few months. Let’s just say crazy and hectic hasn’t described my life in the past few months. But things are beginning to settle down. Well as much as they can considering that I’m starting school again (classes started Monday). And you know what? I am so freaking happy right now. Happier than I’ve been in a really long time. But we’ll get more into that later.
So here’s the basic rundown of everything that’s been going down since the last time I updated (yeah, this is gonna be long if you haven’t already figured that one out):
I had that last couple months of classes. It was a really hectic time cause my biology class was literally kicking my ass and my insomnia decided it wanted to kick itself up a notch and nothing I was trying would work to get rid of it. So I was trying hard to study and keep up with all my work and trying to get sleep, which really wasn’t happening so by the end of the semester, I was running on empty. Honestly it was beyond empty. I was so burned out by the end of it. And I added a major to my crazy list of stuff I have to do so now if I want any hope of getting out of here in four years I am probably gonna have to take beyond the limit of what I’m supposed to be able to every semester past this one for the rest of the time I’m here. Doesn’t that just sound like it’ll be stressful as hell?
And then to top it all off, I had to keep dealing with the stuff with Shawn. I just couldn’t get myself to leave well enough alone. It was honestly the same story over and over again. I’d come home and stuff would happen but he wouldn’t commit and then I’d just get burned and it’d all happen over and over again. Well I was home over Easter weekend and stuff REALLY happened. And then I found out that he’d been seeing someone. I was just so freaking pissed off and hurt at that point. The funny is, he broke up with her. Or she broke up with him. I’m still not clear on that. But that was really the point where I was finally and truly able to step back and look at how bad things had gotten and how much I hated the situation and didn’t want to be in it anymore. It was hard but I stopped calling him and tried to just start moving on. But of course, he then started calling and talking. He actually said he was worried cause I wasn’t talking to him. So I get home and he’s acting like he wants stuff to happen and all that but I wasn’t letting anything and then he just suddenly stops. So I find out a couple weeks later from his stepbrother that he has a new girlfriend. I won’t lie, it did hurt. But not in the respect that it would have before. It just kind of hurt that he felt like he had to hide it from me. But that was what really made me know I was ready to move on.
And now to the happy part of the story. Well I’m sure you guys remember me talking about Bryce before from last summer. Well, we stayed in touch throughout the year. We talked at least once every couple weeks, sometimes more than that. So I come home and we keep talking. We even got into a mini war. It was freaking hilarious. One night Shasta and I are closing and he and Shane had gotten back late so they were just done loading their truck for the next day when we were closing our drawers and all that. So we end up getting in a water fight. It was hilarious. Shane ended up dumping a big water jug all over Shasta. So Shasta and I got them back. Big time. We went to Wal-Mart and got all kinds of toilet paper, streamers, silly string, window markers, and saran wrap. And we got their cars. It was beautiful. I’m including a picture of it cause it was absolutely freaking hilarious and we’re damn proud of the finished product. It's at the bottom of all this. But anywhos, during this time he brings up that he still wants to hang sometime outside of work. And I started thinking about it. Cause it wasn’t that I didn’t like him. I just wasn’t sure how much and if it was at the level that he liked me at. And I really didn’t want to hurt him, cause his friendship is one that I REALLY didn’t want to lose. He’d really been there for me the past year and I would have hated not having it. But I ended up just thinking that if after a year, he still wanted to hang out and date even after everything, I at least owed him a chance and to see where it went. So we started hanging out and it was soooooooooo nice. He was always such a gentleman. He’d always open doors for me and picked up the bill even though I’d offer to cover my share. Well, needless to say things went very well and we’re still dating. And I honestly don’t think I could possibly be happier right now. I’m just in such a good place right now. This relationship is so healthy and the exact opposite of how things with Shawn were. There’s no stress or complications to the relationship and he’s perfectly happy just hanging out and watching a movie. And he goes out of his way to make sure that I’m happy and comfortable. I mean, he’ll just reach over while we’re hanging out and rub my back cause he knows that I have a bad back and it usually hurts to some degree. And I never ask him to. He just does it cause he wants to and he know it makes me happy. I’ve never had someone do that for me and it’s just so nice and I love knowing that I don’t have to worry about him at all while I’m here at school. He doesn’t go out all the time and doesn’t get shitfaced and he calls me every night unless he falls asleep so it’s really refreshing and just nice. And what can I say. I love him. And I know I’m not gonna get hurt this time. And god does my mother love him. She actually told me when we started dating to not hurt him. It’s so funny. But yeah, I’m sure I’ve gone on long enough about Bryce. But as much as I hit myself over the head for not making this decision last year, I think it really ended up being a good thing. Cause I’m actually over Shawn this time. And I think that I would have fucked things up last year if I’d gone there. I’m not saying I would have done it intentionally or even have wanted to. But knowing how I was with Shawn I would have hurt him. And that is the absolute last thing I would want to do. And I appreciate him a lot more having been through the bad stuff with Shawn. It makes the good stuff with Bryce all the more good.
But yeah, so the majority of my summer was work and Bryce. Work is as much of a circus as ever but you can’t really expect miracles as far as that place is concerned. But other than that it was fun. I saw a lot of movies. More than I’d see in ages. It all in all was just a nice, relaxing summer and exactly what I needed before coming back.
But considering this thing is two full pages on my Word Document I’m sure I’ve rambled on enough for you. I really am gonna try to be able to update more here I’m just not sure how much time I’m gonna have. You can always find me on Facebook or MySpace though too. Those hardly take me any time to check so I’m on there a lot. But I will try and get over here more. Okay, well I have stuff to go get done so I’ll talk to you guys later!
shocked
